NABLOPOMO DAYS I8 - 11

I was going to write about Dying Thoughts - Third Wish, but as today is Rememberance Day, I thought I would write about that intead.

At the going down of the sun,
We will remember them

I am grateful that I live in a free world, where I can say and do what I wish, within reason, that the people who fought in the wars did so for my freedom, and I have an unlimited supply of thanks to them.

None of the family I know that are alive today fought in the wars, as far as I know, they were all too young, but they do remember them and tell of the days gone by, of people going off to war and never coming home.

When I see old or active serving men and women, I go up to them and thank them for what they have done, for it is their sacrifice that has given me, my friends, my family and everyone else their freedom.

So, I will remember them.



Today, I'm going to talk about Lynne & Hope which was book number five to be written.

Here's the blurb:
Lynne and Hope are sisters – they share parents, living space, but that’s pretty much it.

Until one day when Lynne has to run and rely on the sister she hates to save her.

If Hope fails, Lynne’s going to jail and she can kiss her perfect job goodbye, but if she succeeds will Lynne be able to swallow her pride and see Hope for who she really is?

Once I had finished Dying Thoughts - Second Sight and had secured my contract with my publishers, I decided to take a book idea I'd had between the first and second Dying Thoughts books and revamp it, and this was the result. I had to do a lot of reseach into Forensics when I took on the task of writing Lynne and making her believable, there are a lot of references to CSI and it's mistakes in it, but I'm pleased with it, happy that I didn't just let it rot in my storage cupboard, there's one other "book" in there that has yet to be reserected and I'm not sure I have it in me to actually make that one work, but still, this one worked fine.

Book stats: 170 pages, 68,622 words, so slightly shorter than DTSS, but still longer than my first two "novels".

In other news, I'm back from Sheffield and tired out from all the driving, so I think I'm going to head to bed and do another entry about everything tomorrow.


Today, I'm going to do a quick entry about Dying Thoughts - First Touch and its upcoming release.

Here's the blurb:

Ever had a secret? Something you can’t tell anyone in case they think you’re crazy.

Tara does – she sees the last moments of people’s lives when she touches something that belongs to them.

Kaolin does – she doesn’t want anyone to know the truth about what happened to her father.

Now they’re both in trouble because secrets never stay quite as secret as we wish they would.

I got the idea for the Dying Thoughts Series whilst walking around ASDA, I'd been trying to think of something to write after I finished Blackout and up until that moment, had no idea. Thus, the series was born and so far I've written three, and almost finished the fourth. I like writing them because I've really had a chance to get to know the characters, as I've been writing about them since 2002 or thereabouts. Tara and Kaolin get up to a lot, but it all works out for them in the end, and with each book, a more sinister plot has appeared.

The stats: 133 pages and 49,921 words, so as I write, each book gets longer, DTFW is about twice as long as the first one, so I'm perfecting my technique as I go.

As far as its release goes, should be sometime this month or next, depending on when my PR guys sends them to print, but I've been told they're all ready to go, so it should be soon...I hope you all enjoy them :D

In other news, I made it to Sheffield, have just had dinner and am looking forward to bed time, the drive took a lot out of me, and I get the feeling both my oxygen and nebuliser will get the chance to bond with me before morning!

Till tomorrow, when I'll do a quick entry about Dying Thoughts - Second Sight


Today, I'm going to talk about Dying Thoughts - Second Sight, the second book in the Dying Thoughts Series

Here's the blurb:
Tara Leverton has a ‘gift’. Up until recently it has been kept a secret from everyone.

Things have certainly changed.

For one, Tara has a best friend, Kaolin. For another, Kaolin, her dad and the police know about her ‘gift’. She’s got the chance to help them solve murders – actually make a difference, one that doesn’t involve doing homework on time.

Can Tara be the eyes seeing things that no one was supposed to see?

I started Dying Thoughts - Second Sight shortly after I finished the first book, because I was really into the characters and had gotten to know them rather well, but my determination to finish it didn't come until I was offered my publishing contract, and then, oh boy! I was writing like my fingers were on fire!

It took me a few years to finish and once I had, I didn't want to think about Tara and Kaolin for a while, plus I had no idea what their new adventure would be, so I started working on a book I'd started years ago, which I'll talk about tomorrow!

The stats for this book: 173 pages and 68,559 words, so like I said yesterday, they're getting longer as I progress through both the series and my contract.

In other news, today Rattles and I are making cakes, and I might get some book work done when she has to go out later, or I might sleep, all depends really!

NABLOPOMO DAY 7

Today, I'm going to write about Blackout, its subsequent release and what I do to overcome writer's block.

Blackout

The blurb for those who haven't read it:

Imagine having everything you ever wanted. A perfect family, a perfect boyfriend, perfect friends – the whole group that only exists because of you!
Then imagine waking up one morning and discovering you don’t have any of that.

It was a dream…a dream you had in a coma that was supposedly brought on by drugs.
Imagine having to start again at school, desperately trying to fit in and prove that the “drug” thing must have been a mistake - that you do deserve to be one of the ‘elite’. Trying so hard to remember what really happened that night.

Welcome to Tally’s life…only problem is someone doesn’t want her to remember.

I'd had the idea for Blackout for many years, about as long as it had taken me to write, finish and complete The Friendship Triangle which I spoke about yesterday. Once I'd put that book to bed, finished, editied and ready to be looked at by a publisher, I decided to start working on what would become my first published book.

To write this entry, I have dug out all the notes I have on Blackout I have perfected my system since then, but back then all I had was a chapter list (ten chapters in total), a vague idea of what would happen in each chapter and some notes on what Tally, Lisa and the other characters mentioned would look like, so that I had some kind of picture in my head. I lived and breathes those characters over the ten days it took me to contruct that book. Yes, I'm serious, it took me TEN days.

I would get up in the morning, hand write a chapter (this was when I could still grip a pen) - 10 pages of A4, would go through it and then type it up and spend the rest of the day editing it for mistakes and such. This went on for ten days until it was finished, and I was happy with it. As I said yesterday, B was also writing at this point and it took a lot for her to convince me that I couldn't write a sequel to Blackout I was that happy with it, it took a lot for me to just put them to bed.

Now, if you were to buy Blackout you would know that it is about 27/28 chapters long now, so how come I started with 10 and now have almost three times that? Well, before I sent it off to my current publisher, I decided that the chapters were too long, I, as a reader, find it hard to get through long chapters and was worried that the audience for which it was intended would feel the same way, so I went through and split them up, some had natural stopping points where there should have been a new chapter, but in my haste to fill the pages, I'd ploughed on and ignored them. Now was the time for those to be put to good use, and when it was split up I felt that much happier with it.

The stats of my second book? 122 pages and 49,084 words, so remarkably longer than my first attempt and I didn't feel this was my weakest work, I felt it was possibly the best one yet (and I'd only written 2 at that point, so there wasn't much to compare it to)

I approached many a publisher, until I found the right one for me. I knew what kind of contract I wanted from them, and aftermuch negotiation, I found the right contract. I am contracted to 10 books, five of which will be standalones like The Friendship Triangle and Blackout and the other five will be a series, The Dying Thoughts Series which, I'll touch on tomorrow, if I continue talking about my books in the order in which they were written.

Blackout came out in the UK and US on August 10th 2005 and I had achieved something, many people told me was impossible. I was a published author and I couldn't have been more proud. I had a book release party, as I'm sure those who were present will remember and I have a whole album devoted to its release. I am now with a new publisher, who plans to re-release Blackout this month, along with Dying Thoughts - First Touch which I'll expand on tomorrow.

Someone asked yesterday what I do about writer's block - it does happen to me, it may not happen to other published authors, but it does happen to me. I can go through stages of writing a chapter a day and then go through a stage of not writing a chapter for over a week, it depends on whereabouts I am in the story. Blackout was a fluke, the average time it takes me to write a book these days is between a year and two years.

How do I write? I have myself very organised. I have notecards that detail each character and what they look like, what they do, what their role in the book is, also with a detailed chapter list that details a summary of what should happen in the book, as well as what day it is, to that I add how many words each chapter is, what pages it's on, it's all very organised and I find it works for me. I went through a stage of going to my friend, Libby's to write while we were still at the flat and was on a roll of writing four chapters a week, which was great for me and I had hoped to be finished by the time uni rolled around, but then we moved and I got out of routine and now I'm at uni so the books are on the back burner. My contract is safe because I've already finished six books and they've only just gotten round to publishing books 1 and 2, so I'm not too worried, I don't work well to deadlines with my books and like to have some in reserve so that if and when I end up in hospital and am not well enough to work for a while, I don't fall behind.

I hate writing filler chapters, the chapters where normal stuff is happening because you can't have a book flled with just plot and nothing else, you need to create a sense of normalcy in your story, or at least I think you do, so they are always chapters that I get stuck on, I find I either make them too short without enough description or too long with each detailed described too much, too much "purple prose" as it's called.

I guess, I just work through the obstacles and get on with it when I can, I can go months without writing a word and then spend a few months working hard and writing a lot, it just ebbs and flows with me.

Anyway, tomorrow will be Dying Thoughts - First Touch and it's upcoming release, unless someone has anything else to suggest I write about.

NABLOPOMO DAY 6

Today I'm going to talk about writing The Friendship Triangle

The Friendship Triangle

Here's the blurb so that you have some idea of what the story is about and then I'll talk about what it was like writing it, where I got my idea and in what order it will be released.

Did you ever think that running away could solve things?
Sometimes the world throws so much at you, escape seems like the only option.

Sarah, Chloe and Charlotte thought it was.

They are about to discover that problems follow you and that sometimes there is more to a friendship that it first seems.

As I wrote yesterday, I was retired on medical grounds at 19. I was left with no job, no place to live and nothing to do with my life...before I get into what started me writing, I have to say that when I was 13, I wrote a "book", it was 36 pages long, the characters were myself and two friends of mine and I though it was good. It really, really wasn't.

When I moved in with B and things started to settle down with the M.E, FMS and BA, I decided that maybe I should have a go at finishing what I'd started. I took all 36 pages and took it apart, starting with changing the namees of the characters and the situations that they'd been put in that made them want to run away. It took me AGES, I would start with a chapter, make notes on the printed page and then I would have to write longer notes on my notepad so that I could fill up the chapters with words and situations that actually made sense. It was my intention that the book at the end would be deemed publishable, and it has been.

I would then type the notes up and decide if that chapter was good enough, and usually it needed more work, so I'd start working on that, generally speaking it took me about a week to get one chapter even to the point where I would be happy to submit it for publication. At the time, B was unemployed and she had decided that she would also write a book - it's still on her hard drive somewhere and no where near finished, but we would get up at 8am, and start our "work day" and it helped, it gave me a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Eventually, I was done and it now stands at 84 pages and 37,324 words, so more of a short book compared to others in the great scheme of things. I'm happy with it, but I do feel that it's one of my weaker books and that I have grown as an author since writing it, but my publisher likes it, thinks it will appeal to the younger market (ages 9-13) whereas the rest of my books are aimed at 13+. I'm more of a teen writer than anything else.

Once Blackout and Dying Thoughts - First Touch are released later this month, it's next in line to be published, not something I'm looking forward to as I worry that it's not up to standard, but my publisher assures me it is.

Now, for Day 7, I could write some more about writing books or I could talk about something else. Once again, you decide!

Today, I'm going to watch the latest episode of NCIS:LA and then maybe sleep, but I need to pack for Sheffield and I need to set up my wireless dongle so that I know it works before I leave otherwise I won't be able to post and wouldn't that be a shame?

Till tomorrow, my dear friends!

NABLOPOMO 5

So, you all voted and decided that today would be about, my life with Fibromyalgia (FMS).

Fibromyalgia (FMS)

As I wrote yesterday, I didn't find out I had FMS until after I'd seen a specialist to get the M.E diagnosis. He said that some of my symptons were similar to both M.E AND FMS and wanted to rule it out, so he did, what is called "the tender point test". Basically, he applied pressure to all 18 points on my body that, if I had Fibro, would be tender. Some of them were just an annoyance, others made me jump when he applied pressure. I had tenderness in 16 points and the measurement for diagnosis is 11, so it was confirmed that I had FMS.

If I'm honest, I couldn't actually tell you when I first started getting symptons for that, it had always hurt for someone to put pressure on my chest area, but again I'd put that down to the BA, and nothing more. It did explain why I lived in so much pain, but they decided that because the pain had started being noticeable when the symptons of M.E had first started, they would pinpont the beginning of the FMS to then, so since I was about 18/19.

The pain was something that wasn't easily dealt with, as I mentioned yesterday, I have a lot of allergies to pain medication, so I was started on co-proxamol and tramadol for when the pain got really bad. I was also referred to the pain clinic so that they could come up with some kind of treatment regime.

I waited ages for an appointment, but when I got it, I was in a bad place pain wise, I found that I was using painkillers pretty much as often as I was able and still finding myself at a 7 or an 8 on the pain scale. The first thing the doctor I saw did, was the tender point test to confirm that I did, indeed have FMS. I near about jumped out of my wheelchair when he started and he laughed and told me that yes, I had it, but now was the time to decide what we were going to do about it. He agreed that I could stay on the co-proxamol, but felt that there was no need for any "top up" pain medication, despite letters from both Andrew and my GP. When, later that week, co-proxamol was taken off the market because of too many people od'ing on it, I went back to my GP.

During this time, I was started on the sub cut infusion of bricanyl, so I was about 21, and my resp nurse was visiting me daily as I was still on a blind trial to see if it would work (the bricanyl, I mean). One day, she came to check on me and I couldn't get out of bed due to the amount of pain I was in, so she called my GP and said that in her professional opinon, I needed something stronger for the pain and arranged for me to be started on Oramorph - basically liquid morphine.

Due to this development, I was also re-reffered back to the pain clinc so that they could reassess my needs. My consultant, once again wrote a letter stating that he felt the Oramorph was the best route to go as the pain was affecting my breathing - hightened by the fact that I had chest pain from the M.E and active tender points on my chest. I saw them again, after the trial was over and I was on bricanyl full time and they decided to take me off ALL pain medication until I could be seen by a pain physio. I didn't agree with it, but thought I had no other choice. There was a six month waiting list to see a pain physio, so I went on the list.

While off my pain meds, I was using my wheelchair for pretty much everything and was admitted to hospital several times with BA episodes as well as for "pain management". Andrew was in charge of me through one admission and I remember, clear as day, him coming to see me. I was in so much pain I hadn't slept and couldn't actually pee because of the muscles being so cramped that I was in urine retention. He ordered that a cathter be placed to relieve that, then asked me. "What do you want?" I said, "just to sleep, I just want to sleep." He went away and discussed something with my resp nurse, and then came back and said that he was going to sedate me. He wanted me on oxygen in case it affected my breathing and they placed a line, not only for him to give me the meds IV, but also so that they had access in the event of something going wrong.

I remember him injecting the med - which I can remember the name of, but for the life of me can't spell. and then I remeber waking up and it not hurting. Turned out he'd given me some IV morphine as well to ease the pain while I slept. The muscles still cramped and soon it all wore off, but while I'd been under he'd spoken with both my GP and my resp nurse and B (who was now offically my carer) and they'd all agreed that although the pain clinic had a point, in that I needed to see a pain physio, I shouldn't be left without any relief until that came about, so he put me on severdol, small dose four times a day.

I saw the pain clinic once more after that admission, and following a sternly worded letter from Andrew, they agreed to start me on Oxycotin twice a day and then have me only use the severdol for top up pain. I start out on 20mg and it was increased about three years later to 40mg, I took 20mg of Severdol for top up pain and now am allowed to take up to 40mg, depending on the severity of the pain.

I also saw two pain physios, and we worked together to find ways to help me manage my pain, not only through drugs, but also through not pushing myself and overdoing it. They taught me that it was okay to ask for help when the pain got too bad, and that there was nothing wrong with having to take a top up dose. They also tried accupuncture, which worked, until I developed an allergy to metal and had to stop because it was causing me to have an allergic reaction a few hours after.

Since then, my pain has become more manageable. I rarely need a top up dose, and when the bad days come, I don't feel guilty about taking it. I haven't seen the pain clinic since, and no one has messed with my pain meds, not even my GP. I did see a locum once who thought I was on too many drugs and contacted the pain clinic to have been reassessed, but they told her there was no need if I felt my pain was being managed sucessfully and it was. So, that was the end of that.

That about covers the conditions I live with, now what to write about tomorrow? I could talk about each of my books, that'll cover six days, eight if I talk about the ones I'm still writing, or something else. If there's ever been anything you'd like me to explain in my blog, let me know now and I'll think about doing it tomorrow!

In other news, I'm off to Sheffield on Sunday to help Rattles with her tribunal, I'm only staying a couple of days and heading back on Monday night/Tuesday morning depending on how tired I am, but it should be fun to finally meet a dear friend who is also a BA. WT, I'd come see you, but that's just too far for me! We'll have to have a BA meet up one day and all wheeze together! I need to pack still, but I also need to finish this week's OU work, I had a bad chest pain attack yesterday from being so stressed out over things that I spent most of the day attached to Oxygen and feeling totally rotten. The good news is that my concentrator wasn't broken, it was just plugged into a plug that doesn't work, so I need to talk to the council about that, but for now, OU work calls!

NaBloPoMo! Day Four!

Myalgic Encephalopathy aka M.E

It all started when I had a year long chest infection, I would take a course of antibiotics and steriods (well, I was on them full time then) and it would seem to clear up, then a week or two later, it would come back and we'd start all over again. I started getting chest pain, which I ignored and put down to the fact that my lungs were full of gunk and tried to keep on going to my job. Ten months later, I went to the doctor and she diagnoised flu and signed me off for a week...I didn't go back for three months. Along side the chest pain, I was now sleeping for 15+ hours a day and still feeling tired, I couldn't concentrate and I had muscle pain, meaning I was put on co-proxamil because of my allergies to asprin, NSAIDs, codiene and later tramadol. We covered the asthma drugs I'm allergic to yesterday, but these are also allergies that affect the way my M.E (and FMS) are treated.

I was off work for three months and still getting paid, when my landlady told me if I didn't go back to work, she would evict me, I had nowhere else to go and couldn't apply for benefits because I was still on the pay roll at work and recieving half pay, so I went to the doctor and begged her to sign me back on, she did, reluctantly, but during my time off they'd tested me for pretty much everything it could have been. I had CT scans to check for blood clots, I had blood tests to rule stuff out and everything came up negative. She didn't know what was wrong with me, and as I later found out, their practise didn't "believe" M.E was a real condtion...well it was, is and is very real. I know, I live with it.

I was back at work for about 10 days when they told me that to continue working there I would need to see a doctor of their choosing to assess whether I could work safely. As you know from yesterday's post, I did and he told me that if I kept working I would be dead in six months, and so the decision was to retire me on health grounds.

I cried the day I packed up my desk and went back to my mum's - I was living there by now because my landlady had kicked me out regardless of the fact that it wasn't MY fault I wasn't working and I was still, somehow, finding a way to pay rent, but that's a rant for another day. I couldn't see how I could manage in the world if I wasn't well enough to work.

My mum made life difficult, and finally, with my nan dying and her making trips up to London every few days, she asked me to leave, it helped that B's family had already made the offer for me to stay with them. So I moved, and as a result, changed doctors.

The doctor who saw me, recognised my symptons as M.E and said that because I'd had them non-stop for six months and they'd ruled everything else out, he would refer me to a specialist. By that point, the M.E (and FMS, but I didn't know I had that yet) and BA had made it impossible for me to walk unaided and I was using a stick, shortly after that it became a wheelchair and you all know that's never changed, just been used more frequently.

The specialist looked over my medical history, checked all the test results and confirmed my GP's diagnosis, as well as adding one of FMS because of the tender point test being positive. I finally had a diagnosis, and from there, my hospital consultant, Andrew was able to work with my GP to get me on the best treatment regime, he was the one who dealt with the chronic pain, not the pain clinc because of the way they treated me and no one has ever really fiddled with my meds since because of his decision, for which I am grateful. I lived in agonising pain for 18 months while they tried this pill and that pill and the other pill, but eventually, I was settled down on the pills I take now.

I am very lucky that my M.E, although debilitaing in some ways, is not as bad as it could have been. For those who know the story of my friend Jessie, or Ricky know that it could have stuck me in bed for years and taken away my ability to communicate with the outside world. I am lucky to just need a wheelchair and some medications.

It was because of this, that B decided that as well as being my best friend, she would also become my carer, she's known me since we were in Year 8 at school and has watched me decline over the years, she's one of the better judges of how my condtions affect me both now and in the past. I am forever grateful that I was blessed with such a good friend.

Now, for tomorrow, it's FMS, or writing a book or something else. You get to choose again! In other news, I'm waiting for the O2 people to come and service my concentrator, it's taken so long because when you move house you have to be re-refered, which is why I had to get my GP to call them, thankfully, they've also sorted out my prescription by phoning Carolyn and talking to her. Which means I have one less thing to worry about dicussing on the 11th!

NaBloPoMo! Day Three!

Hmmm, what to write about that will keep you all interested? Well, today I'm going to write about my illnesses, just one of them, and then tomorrow I'll do a book or something.

Type One Brittle Asthma

This is the biggest condition I have, it's the one that dictates most of what I do in life and how I go about doing it, if I didn't have the other two (M.E and FMS) and just had this one, I'd probably still be disabled, maybe not as much, but it would still affect me and I would still need a carer.

I was diagnosied with asthma when I was 18 months old, though the theory is that I'd had it from birth, it had just taken them that long to work out what it was. On my seventh birthday, my parents were approached and told that the feeling was that I had a more serious condition - type one brittle asthma, and that it was unlikely that I would live into my teens. I sure proved them wrong! When I was sixteen, I got pneumonia quite badly in the summer after my GCSE's and was seen, for the first time, by a specialised consultant - Andrew, who then sat me down and explained to me - because my parents hadn't told me much about it, just that it was the reason I took the pills, had a nebuliser at home and used inhalers and such. He said then, that most don't live past 10 years of diagnosis, I sure squashed that statistic, because I'm not in year 21, having reached the 20 year mark on my 27th birthday earlier this year.

It didn't really affect me until I was old enough to understand that although there were things that I used to be able to do - like running in the cross country - well I walked mostly, but you get the idea, that now there were things that I couldn't do, like walk up stairs or walk unaided to my lessons or walk full stop.

I went from school to college and then had to drop out because of health reasons, I was very poorly that year and spent a lot of time in hospital. I went from being a student to being a full time worker, because that's what you're supposed to do, right? I got a job, I moved out of home, and I moved into a bedsit, which was vile, but it was the first place I'd lived that was my own and I loved it. I lived with B and another friend, Libby. We had a barrel of laughs those nine months, but then things changed and B and I moved from there to a house, which we shared with Emily. I changed jobs frequently and always had a massive amount of time off sick, but I was always honest and upfront in my interviews and told them that this was just part of who I was, it wasn't going to control me.

In 2001, after working in a job I ADORED, I was told that because I'd had three months off sick, before I could return to work, I would need to pass a medical...fine, I thought, I can do that. Except I couldn't. I was told at that medical by a doctor who had some experience with type one BA that if I kept working the way I was, I would be dead in six months, his reccomendation to my work place was to retire me on medical grounds and my heart broke, because they did.

Suddenly, I'd lost everything. I lost the place where I was living because I couldn't afford the rent and she woulnd't accept housing benefit, I lost my job, something I loved, I lost my mother's respect because if I didn't have a job and was going to live on benefits, then how could people define me? I moved in with my mum for a month, and when B's parents said I could stay with them while they went to live in Oxford I jumped at the chance. B worked and I kept the house tidy, but how things have changed, now I am a student trying to get a degree and she does 90% of the house work because I just don't have the breath for it anymore. I can 't change my bed clothes, I can't walk up and down the stairs, even walking to the bathroom is too much for me now.

I use oxygen at least once a day for up to three hours a day, more if needed. I have a 24hr infusion of bricanyl and I take many tablets and other things to keep me "stable" and my version of stable is ever so different to a normal asthmatics version of stable. My nebuliser and me are best buddies, without it, I woulnd't survive long outside of a hospital setting. I have countless hospital admissions, some resulting in ICU/HDU and others just resulting in weeks spent on IV meds to curb my attacks. I am allergic to many things, drug wise, atrovent - which is used to help BA as it doesn't increase the HR as much. Ventolin - I used it for 26 years and then became allergic. There are others, but they're not relevant in this post about this disease. I now use Bricanyl nebs, which work okay, but increase my heart rate (HR) more than the ventolin did. I have heart issues from using so much ventolin over the years, and although many people don't agree, I don't take steriods. They're good for short term use, but long term? They can really fuck up the body. I did take them for three years and all they did was make me hate myself, I had just as many hospital admissions then, if not more even though I was on them, they did little to stablise me so I deemed it not worth it. It took me over a year to get off them fully and yes, I have suffered for that decision, but what all of you lot know that my anon commenter didn't, is that when faced with the prospect of being ventilated or worse, I will take a course and suffer the effects of them on me. My most recent course was last Christmas and that took me until March/April time to get off them.

So, there you have it, a blog post on type one brittle asthma. Now, I'm going to post this on my blog, and get down to working on Block 2: Unit 5: Identities and Lives, which looks to be rather interesting :D

See you all tomorrow for a post on either M.E or FMS or something else...you choose!

An Award and NABLOPOMO!

The award says .."This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY-nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated."

I was given this by a new follower of my blog, Raven/Missy and I was very honoured. I would like to pass it out to eight people who have also inspired me.

1. Rattles at Brittle Asthma: Life and it's dramas for showing me that life can throw you a curve ball, but you can still get things done with it rather than admit defeat and give up and rot in front of the TV

2. Wheezy Tux at Wheezy Tux for showing me that just because life changes, doesn't mean your dreams have to.

3. Kirst at NEO-CONDUIT for showing me that it's okay to complain about our health services when they do something wrong and that you're not alone in being a chronically ill paitent who knows more than their doctors do and blog to get a change in the system. Also, for her strength.

4. Stephen at BreathinStephen for showing me that just because you have Brittle Asthma doesn't mean you can't walk in some really predigious races and do well!

5. Odette at A View From Above for showing me that people across the globe can be friends and just because there's distance between us in miles, doesn't make us any less closer in relationship values.

6. Louise at Adori Graphics for showing me that some people not only accpet that blogging is good for the soul, but do something to support those who blog for lfe changing conditions. And also for my cool backgrounds and being a great friend.

7. KSD at Stuck At The Wrong End of the Stethoscope for showing me how hard life can be at times, but that doesn't mean you have to whine and complain about it, for showing me how strong someone can be and for being a real friend.

8. Tracey at Tracey's Crafty Scraps for showing me, through her daughter's blog and her own that other people who may not have chronic conditions can still care and want to show support and educate the world about what invisble illnesses are.

I thank you all for your friendship and for what you have shown me over the past eighteen months or so of me being a blogger here.

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Have you heard of National Novel Writing Month...or NANOWRIMO? Well, I've written my novels and don't like to be rushed so I'm going to attempt this: NaBloPoMo! National Blog POsting Month, which is where you write a post every day for a month...so I will count this a number one, and then try to blog here (and possibly my LJ), I just need some topics, anyone have any suggestions? Like what I should talk about? Disability, BA, ME, FMS? Writing? Studying? I'm sure I'll find some other ideas of my own, but it would be nice to have some input from some of the actual readers as to what they'd like to read over the next 30 days!

In other news, I have an infection - ran a temp yesterday and my line was sore, so I took that out and replaced it, but then my chest started grumbling so I ended up with nebs and o2 last night - only needed it for three hours before I felt well enough to sleep, but was up during the night for nebs and have had a couple this morning. It's either a line infection or a chest infection, thankfully, my GP trusts me enough to have AB's at home to start at the beginning of either to save them getting deeply set in and causing me problems, shall see how it goes, I don't think I'm about to splat, but if I do, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

More messups in my health care!

I finally got round to getting my GP to call my Oxygen provider to arrange for my concentrator to be serviced and they phoned today...guess what? My GP has changed my prescription so that I don't need a concentrator and should just use cylcinders, which is all fine and dandy, except those cylinders last about 4 hours and I sleep for about 12 at night, which means, I'm screwed when it comes to sleeping..ARGH....WHY CAN'T THEY JUST NOT FUCK UP FOR ONCE?!?

So, I told him that I needed it for more than an hour a day and he said "Well, your GP has changed your prescription blah blah" so I said, "I'll call them and get back to you" and then he offered to do so. I can't move the bloody things so I'd be screwed if I was on my own and needed the loo, I'd have to go without and that's JUST NOT POSSIBLE SOME DAYS!!!!

What the hell is wrong with everything medical? Why do they keept FUCKING up? I have to wait until I see Carolyn on the 11th before I can get another prescription of cyclzine and now I have to wait to discuss with her my O2 needs and I'm going to scream if my GP can't just arrange ONE BLOODY THING RIGHT! I know I'm a "difficult" case because of my breathing and my pain and all of that, but he's supposed to be my front line in all things medical and he's just bloody useless! The ONLY reason I still have cyclizine is because I saw a locum who took pity on me because my main GP was on bloody holiday.

UGH, now what the hell am I supposed to do, it doesn't help that the bloody concentrator needs servicing so I have been barely managing with cyclinders, but I need something NOW not in two bloody weeks...

I would love to see how they would manage!

My first TMA with mark!

Title: Why can it be difficult to decide whether or not a person is a carer, and does it matter? Base your answer on the case of someone you know.

When you look at the definition, of who is or isn't a carer, there seems to be a clear-cut answer. However, this isn't always the case, it is important to be able to know who is or isn't a carer so that, they are able to receive the help and support that they may need. I have chosen to concentrate on someone who cares for a friend, who is ill and disabled and unable to completely care for themselves. Her name is B and the person she cares for is named J.
B has been caring for J for the past seven years. Over that time, J’s health and condition have progressed and deteriorated, meaning that B's caring duties have changed since the beginning. B is a carer and does meet the government definition, which states:
“The word carer means someone who looks after a friend, relative or neighbour who needs support because of their sickness, age or disability.
It does not mean special care worker in a nursing home, for example-or someone employed by disabled person.”
However, there is some interdependence between B and J, for example, when J is feeling well enough, she is able to do things for B like looking after her four-year-old daughter. This could mean to some people that there is a two-way street between B and J and that B shouldn't be classed as a carer.
There are other complicating factors when trying to decide if someone is or is not a carer. There is the possibility that there is more than one person doing the care, for example B’s four-year-old daughter will often keep J company as well as do little jobs for her. Does this mean that B's daughter should also be classed as a carer? I do not think so as it seems to be something that people who live together would actually do without needing a label.
Another complicating factor is that not everybody who is a carer, views themselves as such. They may see what they do as a duty because of family ties, friendship or something similar. B chose to care for J because of a long friendship and the fact that she knew, if the situation was reversed she would do the same thing. In the case of Ann and Angus, Anne did what she did for Angus because he was her father and she made a promise to her mother on her deathbed.
As with a lot of people who have progressive conditions, J has both good days and bad days. This means that B will some days do a lot for J, by giving her medication, both in tablet form and injections as well as washing her, making sure she eats and little things like bring her cups of tea. On others, J is able to do a lot herself, meaning that the duration and frequency of care that B gives is varied from day-to-day.
Even if they don't have these problems, that's not to say that the person being cared for is willing or able to view themselves as needing care. That can create problems in the carer getting the support they need. For example, to qualify for carer's allowance; the person being cared for needs to either be on disability living allowance or attendance allowance.
Still, even if that is the case, they may not be recognised because of their age or the fact that they do not do 35 hours or more a week. For example, if B's four-year-old daughter were responsible for more care duties or was caring for her own mother she would not be recognised by the government or social services because of her age.
Despite all these things, B is recognised as a carer by herself, the government, and other agencies. However, they have little help from the outside agencies, such as social services. For example, B has been receiving carer's allowance for the past two years and they've only had a social worker for the past three months. Even then, they have little contact and it is not through their own choice. I have mentioned that B receives carer's allowance, however, she is not largely better off for receiving it as to qualify she had to give up £30 of her income support and technically is only £20 a week better off.
In conclusion, it is hard to actually define whether or not someone is a carer and even then they may not receive all the help they need. In the case I've mentioned both B and J view B as a carer and see it as her job. However, meeting the government definition is not always the easiest part and even when you do; it doesn't mean that the world will view you as a carer.

Word Count: 801

Name: Joey Paul
PI: A702938X

The last part is in case they scan and see it and think I plagerised it - all my own work, I swear!

MARK: 75%

What do you all think?

For those interested...

If you want to see photos of the new house, with pictures from what it looked like when we first saw it to how it looks now...here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=90859&id=757352506&l=81b256ce7e